Does that title count as click bait? Now take a breath, this isn’t going to be a post reminding you of that common, empty promise.
Right out of college I had my first blog, called Counseling isn’t Crazy. I was scrolling through old posts for the first time in years looking for something specific and came across a post I had totally forgotten about. Bubba was a guest writer, sharing his experience with counseling. It felt appropriate to reshare on this blog about grief and where I often share about who Bubba was. I’ll follow it with my thoughts on this idea of how time heals wounds.
May 3, 2014- From Counseling Isn’t Crazy
I’m so proud of my husband for being willing to share his experience. His tough, manliness is outweighed by his enormous capacity to love others any way he can-including talking to others about his journey. We’ve grown a lot as a couple and experienced some stuff these past two years, I have really watched Bubba grow as a man. I was so proud of him for going to counseling, definitely taught me that he couldn’t get the help until HE wanted it
“Hi there, my name is Bubba Warren. I’m Melissa’s husband. Now, I’m not posting this just because Melissa is a social work graduate, but this is really important. Ok so a little bit about my story. A while back two people that I was close to took their lives, not at the same time but about 7 to 8 months apart. Now I always thought that time would heal and I don’t need to talk to anyone about the hurt and confusion I was dealing with. I also thought that someone with worse problems needed the counseling. Melissa kept asking me and asking me to go to counseling and I would always refuse. Then one day I asked Melissa if she could notice anything different in the way I acted. She told me that I was not myself and I was a lot quieter. I’ll be honest the thought of my marriage being affected because of me being too proud to go talk to someone really bothered me.
Even though I thought my first (and what I thought would be my last) session would be awful and drawn out, I had a good time and ended up scheduling a second session. I learned that my thinking time heals was not true, that I would always miss my friends but through the help of God would I fine comfort in the situation. He knew exactly what to say, I mean he was like a counseling ninja he got me talking about things I really didn’t plan on talking about. So, after a few sessions I felt a lot better and I was back to being myself. Folks, if you hurt in anyway please go talk to someone. Counseling does not equal crazy, it’s a way to get help for yourself. It really helped me and I’m so glad my wonderful wife pushed me to go (in the most loving way possible) . Love ya’ll, keep smiling, and God bless.”
Here’s the thing about wounds: they all heal over time in some way or another. The real question is how they heal.
Sometimes physical wounds are superficial, small cuts and scrapes; it hurts and stings when it happens, it requires a Band-Aid you can put on yourself, it scabs over, and after a week or so there isn’t even a scar left behind. Some emotional wounds are superficial as well, unkind words, small disappointments. You have the resources to take care of these yourself and really after a short amount of time you won’t be able to see or feel the evidence. Now this may not always be true, when kids fall those superficial cuts, or boo-boos, seem like a much bigger deal. They look to the adults around them to respond, to help them, and to teach them the skills needed for next time. Emotionally our kids are doing the same thing.
Some physical wounds are deeper; you bleed, you cry, you may require some professional treatment such as stitches, a brace, a cast. If you were to take care of this wound on your own or ignore it you would be risking infection or improper healing, potentially causing lifelong issues such as limited mobility. Either way, you’ll certainly be left with a scar and a memory, but with proper healing the long-term negative impact will lessen.
Some emotional wounds cut deeper, and while with time these wounds do heal but they leave emotional scars that are with you forever. The betrayals and loss of a relationship, major life changes and moves, the death of certain friends or family. The time it takes for life to go back to normal, or a relative, new normal, will depend on many factors and look different for everyone; there’s no singular way to heal. However, there are certainly paths that will extend your healing. If you try to ignore these types of emotional wounds, over time the wound may technically close, but you are much more likely to experience other pains and secondary issues. Hidden shame, unchecked anger, resentment, self-pity, apathy, anxiety (many of the impairments listed by Chip Dodd in his book Voice of the Heart). With intentional care and by accepting help in your healing journey, you can continue forward with your life, always remembering, forever impacted, yet moving forward. You give yourself the opportunity to experience the gifts of an intentional and fully lived life: joy, hope, courage, wisdom, intimacy (also from Chip Dodd).
Some physical wounds are so traumatic, so severe; bones shattered, limbs severed, complete loss of function. These wounds surely require surgeries, chronic pain management, and an extended recovery and rehabilitation process to regain your strength and mobility or to adapt to a new way of living. These injuries change your life forever; the pain can return at unexpected and inconvenient times. To recover from this type of catastrophic injury without help would be unfathomable. The time it takes to heal or to adapt to your life with this wound depends on many factors: your support system, your genetics, your environment, your age, the list goes on.
There are events in this life that are completely out of our control, they are life-altering, world-shattering, and healing is a lifelong journey. Death of a loved one, abuse, betrayal. Learning to live without what was lost, who was lost, adapting to your new life, is a unique journey. The good news is, you’re not alone, there is help and there is hope, there is healing. For those life altering wounds that are physical and emotional, there are support groups, there is therapy, and for me the most important component of recovery is that there is a God who sees, who heals, who protects, who provides, and who comforts those who mourn, those who hurt.
Bubba was well known for his common phrase of “keep smiling”. He was the big smile and warm hug that comforted many. Yet, he had wounds that impacted him greatly. In high school, he had surgery on his arm, he never really took the time to slow down and let it heal properly. You wouldn’t always be able to tell, and it certainly wasn’t every day, but it bothered him off and on for the rest of his life. Though we met so young, he still carried many old wounds from his past and gained more over the years we spent together. The longer he tried to ignore certain wounds, the uglier it got. Just as I expressed in that original post in 2016, I am forever proud of the hard work he put in to healing his wounds and scars; it wasn’t easy, it wasn’t perfect, and some were easier to face than others. But in the end that healing was completed by the work of Jesus, and I pray that his words, his example, and his experience help you to examine your own healing journey today.
That old saying that time heals all wounds is true, but it takes so much more than just time to experience true healing.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.
Isaiah 61:1
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17
Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
The Neon W 
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